The Onion, (Sadly) America's Finest News Source

Bush Urges Victims To Gnaw On Bootstraps For Sustenance
WASHINGTON, DC—In an emergency White House address Sunday, President Bush urged all people dying from several days without food and water in New Orleans to "tap into the American entrepreneurial spirit" and gnaw on their own bootstraps for sustenance. "Government handouts are not the answer," Bush said. "I believe in smaller government, which is why I have drastically cut welfare and levee upkeep. I encourage you poor folks to fill yourself up on your own bootstraps. Buckle down, and tear at them like a starving animal." Responding to reports that many Katrina survivors have lost everything in the disaster, Bush said, "Only when you work hard and chew desperately on your own footwear can you live the American dream."

Government Relief Workers Mosey In To Help
NEW ORLEANS—Federal Emergency Management Agency director Michael Brown, leading a detachment of 7,500 relief workers, moseyed on down to New Orleans Monday afternoon. "Well, I do declare, it's my job to see if any of these poor folks need any old thing," Brown said from his command rocker on the command post porch, adding, "Mighty hot day, ain't it?" Follow-up teams of emergency relief workers are expected to begin ambling into the Gulf Coast region as early as this weekend. "They should be getting the trucks good and warmed up anytime now, and they'll be cruising into town just as soon as all the reservists stroll in," said Brown, who is currently at his desk awaiting offers of food, water, and evacuation buses to roll in from "somewhere or other."
(more here, and there's an update here)

Now there's no First Amendment freedom in NOLa and if the president uses you as a prop, and you question it, you are unpatriotic.


And, as always, The Daily Show keeps it real.


Also, MSGOP gets right back to spinning after a tough week stuck in reality. Please don't believe these pathetic talking-head asses as they, with direct orders from Rove, try to shift blame from the naked emperor on to the city and state leaders. On most of the criticism I have seen their is absolutly no fact to back up the claim, just save-his-skin spin, as seen on Faux. Just check out this timeline. Or this one. Or this one. Or this one. (via Randi Rhodes)

Sure, the mayor and governor could have done more and deserve some blame, but its not like they were bumbling idiot horse judges or bumbling idiots still on vacation.

From the Chicago Tribune:
Rep. Bennie Thompson (D-Miss.) said the lack of experience in FEMA's top ranks was evident in the sluggish response to the hurricane.

"Disaster preparedness, whether it's in anticipation of potential weather-related incidents or terrorist incidents requires a skill set that in my mind someone has to be trained for," said Thompson, ranking Democrat on the House Committee on Homeland Security.

Moreover, The Associated Press reported Tuesday that Brown waited until hours after Katrina had struck the Gulf Coast before asking his boss to dispatch 1,000 Homeland Security Department employees to the region--and gave them two days to arrive, according to internal documents.

Brown sought the approval from Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff roughly five hours after Katrina made landfall on Aug. 29, the AP said.

Before then, FEMA had positioned smaller rescue and communications teams across the Gulf Coast. But officials said Tuesday that the first department-wide appeal for help came only as the storm raged.

Brown has stoutly defended FEMA's performance, saying the agency has done the best it could under bad circumstances.

Last week, Bush, while saying that the initial federal response to the hurricane was "not acceptable," nonetheless lauded Brown, telling him, "Brownie, you're doing a heckuva job."

Isn't that a flip flop?