Fox News Airs Gay Sex Tape!

(The Scallion) New York, NY Oct. 16 – Viewers of the popular Fox News Channel show Hannity and Colmes saw Tuesday something increasingly familiar to the show’s usual format: an uncensored gay sex tape. The tape features a hunky Sean Hannity and a hearing impaired man partaking in lewd sex acts including mutual masturbation, talking dirty, and something called "soft balls." Ironically, the tape was welcomed with Fox’s usually conservative base and scored record ratings in the Bible belt according to Nielson Media Research.

“I was as shocked as anyone to see that this type of thing resonated throughout the conservative community,” said Evan Yobnonam a spokesman for FNC. “But apparently, our audience loves to have their beliefs challenged in the form of man-on-man lovemaking.” Hannity’s “liberal” counterpart Alan Colmes added “It shows we really are 'fair and balanced,' and not afraid to be a little 'rough.' I am just sorry I wasn’t able to take part.”

It marks the third time in the last year that Hannity has gone to such extremes for ratings, previously “taking a knee” as the staunch conservative calls it, with the President and the Vice President of the United States during last years hotly contested election. “We got a couple of calls for the Dick and Bush tapes, mostly from religious groups,” Yobnonam says. “But, you know, we just tell people ‘Listen, we apologize if the Bible speaks ill of this type of behavior, but our policy is, if Fox News has an exclusive, it gets on the air. Period.’" Taking a shot at the network's rivals, he added, "You are not going to find the President willing to let loose like that on any other network. I mean, do you think CNN would let Larry King do this type of thing with the Commander-in-Chief?’ I think not.”

When challenged that the filming of Hannity domineering over a hearing impaired man might have been over the top for a ratings grab, Yobnonam concedes “That was in poor taste, but to be fair, the dirty talk was scripted before the scene was taped so there was no confusion. And, I may add, ‘Rush’ liked it so much he’s promised to come back." The session was so successful in fact that it went way over time and had to be edited into three parts. However, Hannity promises no scenes were edited out, “You won’t miss a second of homo-eroticism, it’s there in all its glory, I guarantee it.” Part two of the tape can be seen on tonight’s Hannity and Colmes, with the much-anticipated climax tomorrow evening.