Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Damn!

Too much bad news to go over today... energy bill, a decade without jerry, cindy sheehan, chafee and the bush handlers, etc. I will get more detail soon, but for today, some painfully funny reviews of The Dukes of Hazzard:

Ebert:
The movie stars Johnny Knoxville, from "Jackass," Seann William Scott, from "American Wedding," and Jessica Simpson, from Mars. Judging by her recent conversation on TV with Dean Richards, Simpson is so remarkably uninformed that she should sue the public schools of Abilene, Texas, or maybe they should sue her. On the day he won his seventh Tour de France, not many people could say, as she did, that they had no idea who Lance Armstrong was.
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From the SF Chronicle:
There are routine movies and others that blaze a trail. There are routine bad movies and others so horrendous that they redefine bad, that make us look up synonyms for agonizing and abysmal and then gnash our teeth because the language has not kept pace with the decline of film. There are even movies that are so blazingly rotten that they can redefine past experiences and make us look back on recent weak efforts like "Stealth" or "Fantastic Four" and think, "Ooh, that was fascinating."

"The Dukes of Hazzard" is hardly some routine bad movie. Rather, it's one of the elite...

Three back-to-back chases form the climax. They're excruciating. The comedy is nonexistent. The filmmakers couldn't buy a laugh in a burning poppy field. The movie is only 97 minutes long, but it makes time stretch, so that it's impossible to feel comfortable in one sitting position for more than five minutes. Instead of releasing this film in theaters, they should have sent it straight to Guantanamo, at least while it's still legal.
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